Please do not continue reading if you believe in God

It is with a heavy heart that I can finally say with certainty that God does not exist.....and if God does exist, then I choose not to believe based solely upon the fact that it seems pointless to believe in something that has never proven to exist and allows constant pain and suffering throughout this world.

Unfortunately, throughout the years, I have been proven wrong time and time again regarding the existence of God, and although I have wanted to believe in His existence, it has come to the point of no return on this matter.

I have defended His existence to countless individuals, attempting to somehow make them believe in someone much more powerful than them.  How is it that I have come to disbelieve then?  It falls to the point that there is nothing left for me in which to defend His existence.

If there is something in which I should be believing in, then what is it that I should be basing this belief on?  Is it the multiple terrorist attacks, the random bombings, thousands of lives lost, unexplained deaths and disappearances?.....I could continue, but what exactly would be the point?

I have come to the realization that nothing positive we do in this life matters.....and that there are murderers and criminals walking among us.  Even the good we do yields negative results and there is evil in this world that lives unpunished and unresolved.

Even as I sit here attempting to make sense of everything I have been through and every bit of pain I have been subjected to, there is no real explanation that I may give myself or any other individual who may be reading my thoughts.

As the Earth revolves around the Sun and the days turn into nights, I know that each day I wake up is another day I get to spend with my son and that is the only thing that keeps me persevering and looking forward to the following day.  There is not another thing in this world that makes me happy or brings a smile to my face.  Unfortunately, I know that even as I am grateful for the time I am able to be graced with my son's presence, at any moment I could be reminded of the evil that exists with certainty.  I will be forever thankful for my son and cherish each moment I have with him as I know nothing is more true to me at this point in life than pain.  He is the only sun that exists for me and the reason for the breath that I take.  I know with certainty that if he was to be taken from me, the light within me, no matter how dim, would be extinguished.

I will continue to search as the days go on for a reason to once again believe, although, I am certain I will continue to feel disappointment.  In the end, all my hopes and dreams will be one thing.....dust in the wind.  Here is to hoping my son may have the desire to believe in something that I am now incapable of believing and that someday there may exist some proof of His existence.....no matter how faint.