My Life in Slow Motion

As I'm sitting on the side of the road with my husband who isn't moving, my life passes before my eyes in slow motion.  I find myself wondering, "How could this have happened?" and "Is everything going to be ok?"  I go over it again and again in my mind, but cannot seem to formulate an answer. 

Yesterday, 6 April 2011, at approximately 3:20 pm, my husband was involved in a motorcycle accident.  I received the call about that time from an off duty EMT who informed me my husband had been in an accident.  My mind began racing and I wondered how in the world this could have transpired as I had just seen him 2 minutes beforehand.

The minute I see him on the side of the road, he isn't moving, and the only thing I can think is, "Is he alive?"  I park my vehicle somewhat in the middle of the road, which thankfully someone else ended up moving out of the way, and rushed to my husband's side, wondering if God had decided it was his time or not.......but although my husband isn't moving, he is talking to me.

I can only get myself together enough to thank God that my husband is alive and pray that nothing is seriously wrong with him.  I continue to talk to my husband until police officers, EMS, and firemen arrive.  Questions and more questions are being asked of me by people I don't even know and simple answers seem complicated.

As they are loading him into the ambulance there is waiting and more waiting until they finally are enroute to the hospital with me following closely behind.  I can't seem to stop myself from thinking about everything that could seriously go wrong.

We get to the hospital, and after waiting for what seemed like an eternity, he finally got into a room and spoke to a doctor, who took him for x-rays....more waiting.  When he got back I couldn't be happier just to see him, all thoughts of what could be, leaving my head for the moment.

For some reason, the doctor decided it was necessary to clean out the severe road rash on my husband's right leg.  I cannot remember a time when I have witnessed or observed someone in such an extreme amount of pain.  Just the sight of the pain he was going through was enough to evoke emotion in even the strongest of people.

When the x-rays were reviewed, the doctor told us that the severely swollen ankle and leg with road rash would take some healing but would be just fine.  The opposite leg, however, told a different story.  The doctor would need a cat scan of this leg.  When the results came back, she told us he definitely had a fracture but would most likely not need surgery.  I felt blessed with this news since the same knee he had surgery on just 5 months ago, would be the knee he would have needed surgery on once again.  I couldn't be more thankful.

At around 9:00 pm we are on our way home from the Emergency Room, and I couldn't help but notice how much more carefully I was driving, all things considered.  I had precious cargo in the passenger seat of my vehicle that I did not intend to lose after the events of the day and how blessed we actually had been up to this point.

All things considered, my husband honestly had an angel sitting on his shoulder during his accident.  I couldn't have hoped for a better outcome, save not having been in the accident at all.  I thank God for watching over my husband yesterday and keeping me once again in the palm of His hands.

Torn

Have you ever been torn between what you want and what may be best for you?  I am contemplating this thought now as I pour out my thoughts onto this electronic piece of paper.  My husband is intent on eventually moving out to Florida to be with his family, while I would much  rather move to Washington so as not to be on the complete opposite side of the country and away from my family.  Being in the Army the past 8 years has definitely separated me from my friends and family quite enough.  However, I want for my husband to be close to his family and content as well.  It seems there truly is no happy medium in this matter, so how do you compromise in order to ensure we are both content?  Just as with every other question I have, it seems there is no simple or easy answer to this burning question I have ruminating through my thoughts on a daily basis.  I want to be supportive of my husband and ensure his happiness, but I definitely don't want to be separated from my family either, as I have been for some time now.

Blessed

"Every cloud has a silver lining," (John Milton).  This definitely rings true for me, especially in the past couple of years.  On a day to day basis I find myself attempting to look at the little things I have in life to be thankful for.  I would start by saying how thankful I am for my husband and how much I appreciate and love him.  Today, we both had the option of getting a brand new phone and he once again put me before himself.  He opted to get me the new Thunderbolt which is definitely one of the nicest possessions I have ever had the pleasure of owning.  The capabilities are far beyond my simplistic comprehension.

Thinking back on the past couple of weeks, I have definitely not been showing my appreciation for how thoughtful he has been towards me.  I have completely fallen short of putting the needs of my husband before my own and have come to realize exactly how much of a sinner I truly am.  I couldn't be more in need of the word of God and help from those that surround me and know far more than I do.  I once again remind myself how lucky I am to have found him and wondering how in the world I have been so blessed.  I guess since today is April 1st, April Fool's Day, this is my daily reminder of how foolish I truly am at heart.